Thursday, April 10, 20149:07 AM
■ fallen angel
The night fails as usual and I sit here worrying about what tomorrow might bring.
The fear, sadness and worries that I have, who can understand?
The thought of being a failure, the fallen angel is such a big burden.
The fallen angel.
All dressed in black.
From the height of the heaven falls straight down on earth.
The thump sound and the pain is too much to bear.
The breath taken out from the fall.
The ache inside the heart.
The tears start to dance around the corner of the eye.
They start to drool down the side.
Hurt. How deep do you feel your wound?
No physical wound? How bad is ur internal wound?
I failed as a child to both my parents and failed my sisters. I failed to carry out my duties like before.
Was I wrong? Was it a wrong step?
What went wrong and how do I solve it?
What can be done in order for me to stand back up again?
What can I do?
Without the wings, I cant fly.
Without my pillars, I cant stand.
I tried to lean, but in the end it toppled down on me. Leaving me breathless, scrawling on the floor, too painful and tired to scream out loud for help.
The thought of being a burden, the though of having no capability and ability to help urself and others leaves me helplessly depressed.
I do not wish to be back to square one. How can I help myself to be stronger. I do not wish to be back in the starting point again. I do not wish to start all over again.
The suffering we went through, once is enough.
Oh God, please guide me through this difficult time and let me be able to stand strong and be ablw to stand back up. Stronger than before, ; bigger than I ever was.
All I want is to be back to the old confident self witb nothing to worry about.
I pray and hold. Holding on to the smallest hope I can grab hold of.
Saturday, September 7, 201310:16 AM
■ teach me how to sing a peaceful song...
the silence stood still and was pushed by the ugly noise.
it entered the ear drum and shook the whole brain.
how do i filter the noise from the brain?
can i stop thinking about it and let it pass?
or should i be a better person and try to understand the other part?
in many situations, i have been tested.
my patience and my limits.
my blood boiled and i see red.
it's as though i'm a vampire with red eyes, waiting for the next prey.
laying and waiting for the right time.
what has become of the kind and patient soul?
the forgiving and generous soul has changed to the ugly part.
the silence stood still again as the anger was let out.
'HuSHHHHhhh", i went.
a few moments later, the noise came in knocking on the ear drums again..
give me patience and increase my tolerance.
it cannot be done within this moment.
i have to try harder and hold it in.
for i am a stranger in this foreign land.
God, gimme patience and kindness.
I need it at this point of time.
Thursday, January 3, 20138:39 AM
■ Troubled kid
Im troubled by the different things thats happening.
but thinking about it again. i should not be complaining.
shit.. this is damn wrong..
why did it end and start all over again.
this heartache and heartbreak..
=(
but thinking about it again. i should not be complaining.
shit.. this is damn wrong..
why did it end and start all over again.
this heartache and heartbreak..
=(
8:06 AM
■ The Question.
the question rotates around the mind and keeps haunting us for life.
what should you do? what will it be? should I? should I not?
we always randomly come back to the same square and kept thinking of the what ifs.
you know your happiness is there. but you do not dare to move.
and once you start moving, you realize, you it back to square one.
the tendency to compare and to judge what is good for you, might lead you astray and make you wonder whether you have done the right thing. whether it is the right choice.
I questioned myself for tonnes of times.
would it be better back then or would it be better now?
a question that keeps haunting with no answers to be found.
it used to be simple and not that complicated. it got worse when greed came along.
it took away the happiness, the reasoning and the free spirit.
it caged them up and locked them from darkness.
and now. the stage where you question your own capability and your ability.
your strength and weaknesses.
it seemed so far-fetched.
so unreal.
the question still lies in me.
Sunday, January 15, 201210:39 AM
■ terribly depressed
The tiny little light I once saw at the end of the tunnel,
had suddenly flickered and disappeared.
It left me wandering around in the dark for some time,
and left me crying in tears and asking to leave.
I wanted to settle it once and for all, to leave the place and go back to my comfort zone. But I did nothing but tried to be brave like how I was back then.
The pressure of the pitch black world, with no one to share and talk to about my fears, I collapsed and tumble under the pressure of my own fears.
Then, there was the sound of footsteps right beside me. I contemplated and wondered if I should go forth and asked for help.
My feet would not listen to me while my heart begged to leave.
I struggled and managed to pull myself up, followed the footstep and reached out my hand.
There I heard the voice and I spoke of my worries. I confessed and conveyed my sins to the passing footsteps, asking it to allow me to leave. I cried and begged and rationalise my ways. But all it did was question me back and tried to make me stay.
I had enough, I said. Thats the end of it.
I was called in to the room which gave me comfort. The owner asked if I wanted to leave that badly. I said I really want out, I wasn't strong enough to tolerate and go under the pressure. I knew the consequences when I ask to leave. I know what kind of situations I would be in if I were to go back to where I was comfortable in. I had to ask for the departure as soon as possible before I do anything.
I was in for it, to jump in and to leave immediately.
And here I am, receiving the bad news of not being able to go back to my comfort zone, but being reshuffled to another.
I hope this torture would end.
Tuesday, March 22, 201112:45 AM
■ trash bins as we call them
In this ever revolving society of ours,
the time is always running away.
we never am able to see how it is,
that we are able to cope with what is going to come and go.
we never would be able to guess what is coming next.
For many cases we see, there are lots of people who tries and blame life for what has happened to them
But what they don't see is that life has brought them to this beautiful earth, allowing them to see things clearly with their eyes.
what they are always complaining about, we do not.
there are instances whereby humans make the same complains and mistakes again and again. reason why, we don't know and would never be able to guess. only the one who does would know. however, how many times would we hear about their worries and troubles?
once in a lifetime, when tings turn for the worse and its too late to turn back time, and the end is there. then we would understand what they have been going through. some of their lives ended in a mystery. no one knows why they choose to walk the path that they walked. no one would be able to know. they left us no clue and left us guessing.
they are called the trash bins, would help you solve matters and listen to your woes. they make things look beautiful. they make you see the other side of the world if you would tell them that you are blind.
the ears of humans, the eyes of the world, the helping hands that would not rest to help.
but there are too many that too few can help. the list keeps onn going. and they are unable to breathe the fresh air when all comes swarming in.
they fly to them like magnets attracted to magnets. they stick on them, refusing to live, for they have not seen the lights. they simply kept on coming, and one day, the trash bins ned trash bins too. a bigger trash ground where they can dump the trash in.
"So why can't we help ourselves instead?"
the time is always running away.
we never am able to see how it is,
that we are able to cope with what is going to come and go.
we never would be able to guess what is coming next.
For many cases we see, there are lots of people who tries and blame life for what has happened to them
But what they don't see is that life has brought them to this beautiful earth, allowing them to see things clearly with their eyes.
what they are always complaining about, we do not.
there are instances whereby humans make the same complains and mistakes again and again. reason why, we don't know and would never be able to guess. only the one who does would know. however, how many times would we hear about their worries and troubles?
once in a lifetime, when tings turn for the worse and its too late to turn back time, and the end is there. then we would understand what they have been going through. some of their lives ended in a mystery. no one knows why they choose to walk the path that they walked. no one would be able to know. they left us no clue and left us guessing.
they are called the trash bins, would help you solve matters and listen to your woes. they make things look beautiful. they make you see the other side of the world if you would tell them that you are blind.
the ears of humans, the eyes of the world, the helping hands that would not rest to help.
but there are too many that too few can help. the list keeps onn going. and they are unable to breathe the fresh air when all comes swarming in.
they fly to them like magnets attracted to magnets. they stick on them, refusing to live, for they have not seen the lights. they simply kept on coming, and one day, the trash bins ned trash bins too. a bigger trash ground where they can dump the trash in.
"So why can't we help ourselves instead?"
Friday, March 18, 20119:15 AM
■ tragedy shows.
Looking at the images that has been produced by people from over the world in regards to the disaster that has happened to Japan.
We should reflect upon what we had seen and feel for those who have lost.
Hearing those who like to pick on others and rejoice in other ppl's expense. How would you react? Be disgusted or be quiet about it.
There are many posts and remarks made by people in regards to this natural disaster.
And at times wonder why these people would have to suffer. If this was to happen to people in Singapore, what would actually happen.
People running, people going mad. People shouting and pushing. And given our national character, kiasiu-ism, i believe everyone would fight with each other. To get the food and rations that are being given out to everyone. We wont be able to react to the situation so calmly and behave in such an orderly way.
In Singapore, we still get to see people who only cares about themselves and endangers others. People making life easier for themselve, but no thinking for the rest of the family. We have too many small situations that humans do not know how to treat and settle themselves. Not knowing how to save themselves and allow their brains to think, yet ask for help and make people think. Please don't make your trouble into other people's trouble. Its freaking selfish.
I wish I could help, but how long can we help you? You do not make yourself useful, don't allow urself to work hard. You make yourself sound so great yet in the end you are only a piece of shit. Look at how others are busy helping others in Japan and making life more easier. They sacrifice themselves to proceed to the nuclear plants in order to lessen the danger, in order to save the thousands. Are you willing to make yourself one of those heros, or are you going to push volunteers?
Are you going to use your status and your position in the society to push others to the front line? Or would you step forward? We are all timid little creatures who are scared of death, to die and to be dead. We all think of the afterlife, for no apparent reasons.
But when we can render our help to others, we do not put out that helping hand, instead we just find some others to do the jobs. Its that sad.
Looking at it through the camera lens, the videos, the photos, facebooks, twitters and other form of communication websites, we only see the pain that they are all going through. We do feel. Having to experience it? We all pray not to.
Complains of the smallest stuff, that we are tired from working, that we want to enjoy life. Judging from their faces, do you think they aint tired. I bet most of them are psychologically traumatized by the waves and water. be paranoid. I guess they would. But its due to this disaster. But we again are paranoid about everything and yet Singaporeans go around snapping photos of nonsensical things on Stomp and earning money and fame. Do you think this is necesary or even relevant?
So far, have u tried reflecting and think? Do our teenagers these days know what is happening at all?
~ For all the little things we areworried about, imagine the fear that has been instilled in them, and thus causing them to not rest in peace.~
We should reflect upon what we had seen and feel for those who have lost.
Hearing those who like to pick on others and rejoice in other ppl's expense. How would you react? Be disgusted or be quiet about it.
There are many posts and remarks made by people in regards to this natural disaster.
And at times wonder why these people would have to suffer. If this was to happen to people in Singapore, what would actually happen.
People running, people going mad. People shouting and pushing. And given our national character, kiasiu-ism, i believe everyone would fight with each other. To get the food and rations that are being given out to everyone. We wont be able to react to the situation so calmly and behave in such an orderly way.
In Singapore, we still get to see people who only cares about themselves and endangers others. People making life easier for themselve, but no thinking for the rest of the family. We have too many small situations that humans do not know how to treat and settle themselves. Not knowing how to save themselves and allow their brains to think, yet ask for help and make people think. Please don't make your trouble into other people's trouble. Its freaking selfish.
I wish I could help, but how long can we help you? You do not make yourself useful, don't allow urself to work hard. You make yourself sound so great yet in the end you are only a piece of shit. Look at how others are busy helping others in Japan and making life more easier. They sacrifice themselves to proceed to the nuclear plants in order to lessen the danger, in order to save the thousands. Are you willing to make yourself one of those heros, or are you going to push volunteers?
Are you going to use your status and your position in the society to push others to the front line? Or would you step forward? We are all timid little creatures who are scared of death, to die and to be dead. We all think of the afterlife, for no apparent reasons.
But when we can render our help to others, we do not put out that helping hand, instead we just find some others to do the jobs. Its that sad.
Looking at it through the camera lens, the videos, the photos, facebooks, twitters and other form of communication websites, we only see the pain that they are all going through. We do feel. Having to experience it? We all pray not to.
Complains of the smallest stuff, that we are tired from working, that we want to enjoy life. Judging from their faces, do you think they aint tired. I bet most of them are psychologically traumatized by the waves and water. be paranoid. I guess they would. But its due to this disaster. But we again are paranoid about everything and yet Singaporeans go around snapping photos of nonsensical things on Stomp and earning money and fame. Do you think this is necesary or even relevant?
So far, have u tried reflecting and think? Do our teenagers these days know what is happening at all?
~ For all the little things we are
